Once a Mother, always a Mother.
I had a baby. I carried her. I gave birth to her.
Just because she isn’t with me now does not mean that I am no longer a Mother. Just because she was pre 24 weeks and therefore not medically or legally acknowledged or considered a person or viable, does not mean she wasn’t real or didn’t exist. This is one of the most challenging things to accept and deal with. Because of the current medical “rules” in place, 24 weeks is the point of which a baby is considered a baby. Because of this, the terminology on all the forms we had to fill in referred to Summer as a “foetus”, not a baby. There is no official record of Summer, again because she was pre 24 weeks. No birth certificate, no medical number. Because she was pre 24 weeks it is like she did not and does not exist. It hurts. My baby is real. She exists. She died, but she exists. You only need to look at her to know that.
Just because my baby died and just because I don’t get to do what all the “normal” mums do, doesn’t mean that I don’t love my baby. I may not get to cuddle and feed and change my baby. I may not have to get up in the middle of the night or have sleepless nights because of my baby. But believe me, I would take doing all the “messy” bits of motherhood over the situation we are in right now. Any day. A million times over.
Just because I don’t have my baby in my arms, does not mean I don’t want to talk about my baby. I love Summer more than anything in this world and I want to share her with anyone and everyone who will listen. I want to scream about her from the rooftops and I want everyone to know her and acknowledge her existence. Just as all the other mums do with their living children.
That’s being a Mother, I guess. I have that same love bursting through me for my daughter that all the other mums have for their children. So, yes...
I am STILL a Mother. And I am grateful that Summer made me one ☀️💖
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