Blogmas Day 23 ~ Talk About Her

 Today I wanted to open up and share why I like to talk about my daughter. 

As a bereaved mum, whose baby has died and is therefore, not here, it is so easy to feel like my baby girl will be and is being forgotten. 

When it comes to death, people just do not know how to be. It is uncomfortable, I know. And people are often scared that by talking about or mentioning the baby will cause pain and upset. 

Well, I want to tell you that actually, when you talk about and mention the name of my baby, you are acknowledging her existence and you are helping me to keep her memory alive. The pain of not talking about and including my baby brings more pain and sadness than talking about her. 

Losing a baby is so different compared to losing an older relative or loved one. It is the natural order of things, to say goodbye to adults in our lives. Those people will have lived and will have built memories. When a baby dies, and when a baby is miscarried or still birth, the baby has not had that time to spend making the memories they will have done if they had lived and grown up. That is why it feels that they will be forgotten quicker. Losing a baby is not the natural order. So it is harder to deal with. 

I have said this so many times before, just because my baby is dead, does not mean that she is not my baby. Just because she is not here with us, doesn't mean I don't have a daughter or that I am not a Mother. I carried Summer, I gave birth to her, literally - just like any other mum gives birth to their child. I love her just like all the other mum's love their children. 

My baby existed. Summer is my daughter. 

Please, don't be scared to mention her or talk about her. Doing so brings me more joy and happiness and comfort than you could ever imagine. 

Help me to keep the memory of my baby alive. Help me to honour her and remember her. 

Summer Dermawan-Alsop 🌞💖

Summer, my sleeping beauty