Benjamin and Jack. Two gorgeous baby boys who, like Summer, ran on ahead of us into Heaven. Two gorgeous boys whose mummies I have connected with and now how a special bond with and a treasured friendship. Both of these lovely mummies have given me permission to write about their boys and share them because they really are a massive part of our story and I love these boys dearly.
Benjamin belongs to my friend Ruby, whom I connected with from the Tommy's Baby Loss Facebook Page. Ruby doesn't live too far from me, so I have had the pleasure and honour of meeting her and spending a bit of time with her.
Benjamin is her baby boy who was born a few weeks before Summer due to the difficult decision Ruby and her partner had to make of having a TFMR. Poor Benjamin was not very well at all and his mummy and daddy were told that it was very unlikely that he would survive outside the womb and there was lots of things wrong. I could not imagine the pain Ruby and Richard felt having to make that difficult decision, but I love and respect their bravery to do what was right for their baby boy and in turn for them to give him to be Summer's friend.
Jack belongs to my other friend Rachel, whom I connected with in the same way as with Ruby. Due to Rachel and myself living quite far away from each other, I haven't yet been able to meet her properly and spend time with her, but we are in contact regularly and are able to support each other that way. I do hope that one day, our paths will cross but until then, whatsapp is sufficient.
So Jack was born early, again a few weeks before Summer, due to an "incompetent cervix". It feels so strange writing that - I am not calling Rachel's cervix incompetent, it's just that is what the actual reason is called, and again, Rachel has given me permission to mention this. Although I am yet to learn about this condition, I completely understand the feelings of pain and loss, hurt and confusion that Rachel has experienced, and I love and respect and honour her for her bravery. Again, just as with Ruby, I feel Rachel and I are specially connected because of our experiences and because of our children.
Jack and Benjamin are a huge part of my journey with Summer and I always think about the three of them up in Heaven together (and with Winter and all the other babies of course) but the main image I have in my head when I think about them is the three of them together. Summer in the middle and Jack and Benjamin either side. They are babies most of the time. Beautiful, cute, smiling babies. Looking at us and laughing that cute baby laugh, gurgling and making cute noises. And the way they are with each other, it is the cutest thing. They love each other. They are happy.
Sometimes, they are toddlers, and sometimes they are children. Again, Summer in the middle, Jack and Benjamin either side. Always smiling, always laughing. It is my favourite thought to think of and dwell on and brings so much peace and comfort.
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To Jack and Benjamin,
Sweet boys, you are wonderful. You are incredibly special and so loved. I know very much by your mummies, but also very much by me and Summer.
Look after my baby girl up there. I know that one day we will meet and, oh, what a joyous day that will be.
Love you so much gorgeous boys. ☀️💖💙💙
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| Foot and Hand Print Necklace in memory of Jack |
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| Star in Memory of Benjamin |
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