Blogmas Day 15 ~ Summer's Funeral

Although Summer was born on Friday 23rd July, we were not actually able to bury her and have her funeral until Friday 17th September. It was the longest wait of my life. Very difficult and slow.

Because we had authorised a full Post Mortem on Summer, and she didn't leave Calderdale Hospital for it until Tuesday 27th July, we knew that there would be a wait. But we had signed everything over and granted permission for them to keep the slides they took for future research etc, so that we could get her back as soon as possible so she could be buried as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, the wait was longer than was expected. Nobody expects to have to bury their child, let alone have to wait to be able to do so. The wait was horrible. I knew that the Post Mortem on my baby could potentially reveal any problems, and that ultimately the research they did from myself and Summer could potentially save other babies, and other mum's and dad's in our position in the future, and that's why we ordered a full PM, but boy the wait. I struggled. All we wanted to do was lay our baby to rest.

Eventually, on the 26th August, I got a phone call from the Funeral Director saying that they had collected Summer from Manchester and that she was now with them, and a date could be arranged for her funeral.

Friday 17th September was the next available date at 9.30am at one of the Crematoriums local to us.

We had actually be really lucky to be offered a funded funeral by the Hospital where I delivered Summer, and so we took it, gratefully. They told me that it would mean we wouldn't have full control over Summer's funeral and planning but that I would be involved and oversee the planning. I didn't mind at all because let's face it, no funeral is pleasant and nobody wants to plan one at all - more so your own child's.

The Funeral Directors and the Hospital Chaplaincy that I worked with were all wonderful. I was allowed to go and visit Summer at the FD's as often as I wanted in the run up to the funeral. And so that's exactly what I did.

I know it probably sounds strange, but this was the only time I was ever going to have with my daughter in the same room again. So I took the opportunity with both arms and my whole being, and I went and sat with my daughter several times a week. Yes she was in a gorgeous, little white coffin, but I talked to her, I read to her, I sang to her. Each and every time.

This was special time with my daughter and I would never get this again. I needed it. And I will always think back fondly at that time I was able to spend with her. Doing all the things a Mother should be able to do.

The day of her funeral came, and Rich and I set off early to meet the Funeral Director and the Hospital Chaplain at the Crematorium. We had decided not to invite anyone to the funeral, but to have it just us two. Again, there is something different about burying your own baby. We just wanted this moment to be us and her.

Rich carried her from the cars to the plot and the Minister began the service. I took her some orange roses to mark her spot that she was laid to rest in.

The funeral didn't last long. Maybe about 20 mins, and we had a bit of time saying our goodbyes before we left and allowed the men to fill the grave.

Rich and I had decided that we would spend the rest of the day together and try do something nice. We came home, had another coffee and went for a walk. When we came home, we had some lunch which was a lovely spread delivered to us by our friends Rachel and Chris the night before. And in the afternoon, we went to collect Rich's son.

Summer's funeral, and the lead up to it is a time I will never forget and a time that I will cherish and cling onto for the rest of my life. The time I had with my daughter in the run up to the funeral is my most treasured time and no one will ever take that away from me.

I'd never wish for anyone to have to bury their own child, but I am so grateful for the Funeral Directors and the Hospital Minister who I worked with and who attended Summer's funeral. I'm grateful for the time they allowed me to have with my daughter. I'm grateful for Calderdale Hospital for paying for Summer's funeral, and for all the support we have had from them throughout this journey. I am also extremely grateful for Zoe Clark Coates, founder of Saying Goodbye, who sent me two of her poems to include in Summer's funeral. 🌞💖